Archives for the month of: September, 2015

Pushed myself way too hard with memories and flashbacks and thinking and thinking and thinking over the past three days. Now I am in immense amounts of pain. Knew this would happen.

Things have been pretty hectic. I started a new job (a good and challenging change). I am still working with my “new” therapist (been seeing her for a few months) and I feel like she understands me better than the other therapists I’ve been to. Still struggling with the usual suspects: it didn’t really happen, I made it up, what if he’s doing it to other children, but he’s my father, my memories aren’t clear enough, still can’t do any form of penetration, visual images that are sickening. I feel like I go round and round and round and get dizzy and then take a break for a bit and start all over again. Sometimes it feels like I will never heal (from what?!). Some days I feel better and confident and like I can be happy. Sometimes I just feel like hurting myself so badly, but I will never do that. I guess this is the way it goes.