I haven’t really had time to write with my new job and wedding planning and all that jazz. I have felt as though I wanted to write, but when I think about what to say I draw a blank. 

I got a new therapist and she is much better than my old therapist. She remembers things I say, is validating but not too cheerleader-ish, and actually gives me things to do between sessions. It is helping.

I am still having major trouble with being touched in any way, which is a problem. I was co-facilitating a group and the other facilitator accidentally brushed against me, and I almost flew out of my chair. I don’t think any of the clients noticed, but I certainly don’t want to seem unhinged. Not to mention, it causes a good deal of strife with my partner. 

Basically, my therapist has said that our work is going to be about accepting that the trauma happened and coping in the present. I can get behind that, but it’s been a little difficult due to the fact that I still have very vague memories of the trauma that I wish I could piece together into a smooth narrative…but that’s not how trauma works. Trauma fragments our mind and senses, leaving us to do our best to pick up the pieces with no guarantees of closure. I am hopeful that I will at least remember who did it so I can cut that person out of my life if they are still in it (a chilling thought).

I guess I just wanted to do an update. I hope everyone who reads this is doing well.