*Trigger warning: SA*

I am with a group of people squeezed into a car that is far too small. We go to a mall, we walk around a carpet store. There are two men, one early twenties and one mid-twenties. I want them both. I can only have one. We go to a class or group therapy session, I don’t know which. People are praying at the instructor’s feet, he is my supervisor from last year and appears quite uncomfortable with this.

I am burning up with desire for these two men. One is fair and sweet, one is dark and dangerous. I choose the latter based on the fact that when I see a picture of a cottage and as I express my delight, he states that he has a cottage exactly like that. I know I made the wrong choice but I cannot undo it. We go to my apartment, and his shirt rises to reveal his stomach, I run my hands over his body. I see an image of him raping an unknown woman (me?) from behind, saying, “Anything I do to you is legal.” I panic, I want him so badly but he is dangerous. I need to find a way to get him out of my house.

A fire starts in my living room, and we both fill up pots and pans to put it out. The fire jumps from object to object, sometimes leaping onto the walls. I put the cat outside. I call 911 and the dispatcher is confused. As we wait for the firefighters to come, we continue to throw water on the unpredictable flames. My father is there. I notice that part of the fire is electrical in nature, and I ask, “Do you put water on an electrical fire?” (you don’t). Nobody answers, I douse it in water and it does nothing. I am thinking that the fire could be a way for me to get the dangerous man that I want so badly out of my house. The firefighters arrive, old and tired. They use a fire extinguisher, and I wake up.

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