The past week has been very busy. I started my final internship, which will run through the first week of May. I will be doing short-term work with clients on a variety of issues. I am going to have a lot of flexibility in this placement, and my supervisor seems really great. When we were developing my learning contract, she asked if I would be willing to go over the agency’s promotional materials to assess for bias and accessibility. She thought it would be good to have a fresh set of eyes to catch things. I am very excited! I point out bias and inaccessibility all the time and now I’ll be able to do it for someone who actually WANTS me to! I’m really looking forward to beginning with clients and I think I will learn a lot from my supervisor.

Right now I am at my overnight shift, having gone to class in the evening. I also have class for a few hours after I get out of work. So I am a little sleep-deprived at the moment. My class in the evening was field seminar, and in addition to the usual group discussions, we went for a walk together as a self-care activity. That was really nice because I got to catch up with some classmates and the weather was beautiful.

I have started to open up a little more about my trauma history to my classmates recently. We have been assigned a choice of two books to read for field seminar, and one is “A Shining Affliction” by Annie G. Rogers. It is a fascinating book about her experience having what is best described as a breakdown during her doctoral internship working with children. She has to be hospitalized and eventually do a lot of hard work on her own trauma so that she can effectively help her clients, including one little boy that she goes into depth about in the book. Although it is a good read, it is extremely intense and was very triggering for me at times. I didn’t want anyone else to get caught off-guard, so I posted a little warning to our class’s Facebook page just saying that the book has the potential to be triggering for anyone with a history of sexual trauma, and to take care of yourself while reading or maybe elect to read the other book. A lot of my classmates thanked me for the warning, and I’m glad I wrote it. However, I feel that it was kind of a disclosure of my trauma. On one hand, I could have recognized it as potentially triggering even if I didn’t have a trauma history. However, would I have chosen to warn others if that were the case? I just feel like my classmates were able to read between the lines (we are social workers, after all) and figure out a little bit of my history. Maybe it is time to be a little more forthcoming. I trust most of these people (with a few notable exceptions) and my experience may be able to help them in some way.

I feel like I’m rambling and this is all over the place. I have been scattered lately. My apologies.

(I am having big emotions writing this and I don’t know why. I can’t describe them or write them down. They are happening without me.)

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